Missing you till now...

It's been months since that day.. I've told myself to let go and I'm still telling myself to let go until now.. Why can't I just fucking let you go??? Many ways I've used to get you fucking out of my life.. But if never seem to work.. Can say I'm weak ba... Whenever I've let you out a bit, the very moment I hear you have something on, I'm back once more.. How longwill this take me to let you go?

Knowing Sayang is the best thing of my life.. He made me stressless I should say.. However, that doesn't make him my lover.. My own bf has been stealed away by someone else, I don't want to be that person stealing other people's lover. I'm not that bitchy afterall.. Or not so complicated..

Do you know because of you, I've caused Sayang into troubled? I know it's not your fault but mine. However if the main reason wasn't you, I wouldn't have needed to do this. I've been telling you Sayang, Sayang and Sayang.. Even putted Sayang's picture on my phone & iTouch just for you to see. But all this was to draw my attention away from you. No more looking at you, no more thinking about you..

Today, when I read back all of our previous message from YahooMail to friendster messages from you when we first know each other, to our sms since you have my number till the day we broke up, & the messages in facebook that we had our conversation, I'm sorry to say I've broke down again.. My mind ran back to your memories.. I mean back to our memories from the day I saw you in Rainforest till that day mrning your message came to me asking for break up..

And now, I'm no longer in your heart cause my place which used to be in your heart has been taken over by some other girls.. This hurts me very much.. But what can I do? You are not mine from the start. It was a mistake knowing you and being together.. I really hope you do see who is the one who really loves you till now.. Till this very moment when you are in shit, when your sister needed help, who is the one willingly to help? I could have said no.. It's your sister not mine.. I have no connection with you at all.. Why should I be helping? When you are down writting all those things on your shout out, I'm worried.. I wanted to know what is happening.. But I have no rights to know now cause you are no longer mine.. You belong to someone else now..

I'm eally looking forward and praying everyday for you to return one day.. I dono how long will I need to wait.. A year? Centuries? Or never will I get you back, I don't know. But I'm praying and will always be praying till the day you come back to me.. I really miss you..

My Syg...

Thank God to know him.. Syg, jak kenal u, I happy je.. Byk hal dtg pun I x tkut skarang ni.. U slalu cheer me up.. X tlg I solve, pi dgr dah cukup.. Tu je yg I nak.. Pi ms tuk kita hnya 3 bln.. Ni la jnji qta.. U hnya tlg I lupakan org tu dlm ms 3 bln.. Pas 3 bln u bukan sapa2 gi.. Kwn je.. Mmg x hrp 3 bln ni pas.. Haiz... Pi 4 mlm ni dpt chat sm Syg, I happy sgt la.. Thanks!!! Owe u a bunch.. My best valentines gift of all from God dis yr...

The Fact Is Not As Difficult To Face As I Thought

After what has happened for the past 6 months being away from my loved one and being apart now, I have been having the 'scared' feeling on facing him. Many things ran through my mind before coming back. How I want to face him? What should my reaction be when I see him? Many thousands of questions in my mind...

However, when I got back, that day itself my challenge was to face him.. After getting his call and as I was going to the hotel, I was scared.. Nervous.. But when he is really in front of my face, the feeling is not what I thought it would be.. I face him very friendly.. I smiled and talked as usual.. No bad feeling or what-so-ever.. Not even missing him or the word 'love' to him doesn't even seem to exist.. So this is a very good sign to show that I'm all totally done and over with him..

Unfortunately, every good has its bad too.. I do agree I'm over with him, but one thing which I cannot stand hearing is his life now.. I have no idea what life he's in now as I do not know him anymore.. I don't understand every single thing he does.. He's no longer the person I used to know. He seem to be lost.. Doesn't know what he's doing or something like that.. My heart aches when I heard all these.. I want to help.. But I've ended up myself in shit now.. I guess someone in the hotel is trying to get me stay far away from him.. Everytime when I have activity that involves him, the very next day, rumours spreaded like fire..

People says that I'm back to take him back.. They have been saying I'm talking bad about him and his ex (which I don't agree on doin).. I don't know how childish can these people in hotel be. I understand the season is low and nothing much to do.. But can't they just stop nozing into people's personal life? Work is work.. Why want to pull personal life into it? So unprofessionism.. Cheah wa... Like making myself sound so proffesional.. Haha... Anyway, don't they use their brain to think, what good will it give me if I really were the one who is talking bad about he and his ex? He comes back to me? Fuck him!!! He has hurt me bad enough.. Even if he wants, sorry, everything is too late to turn back.. I love my life now.. I have my Sayang with me now.. Sayang is a better person than him.. At least he doesn't feel that my care and concern is a control..

What I'm trying to say is, whatever happens, just face the fact.. You might think it's difficult and impossible to face it, but once you are there, you will see it is not what you think it is.. So just chill and relax.. Face it like a man (eventhough you're a woman)... Hahaha...

How can one let go of unwanted memories?

In life, there are some memories we want to keep it forever, however there are some which is not that happy that we would want to forget. The question is how can one forget or I should put it "How Can One Let Go of the Memory He/She Doesn't Want?"
Does it involve mask? Hiding your true self when it come to facing that problem?orAllowing yourself to continue getting hurt for the time being till one day (don't know when it'll come)?orJust say what you feel without caring about the other party's feeling (burden/stress)?
The main question of mine is also related to "Do you prefer to hurt yourself or to hurt someone you love?" How can this be answered?Stingy people who cares for themselves will answer they are the most important thing. However, for those who is caring (I doubt so whomever out there is like that) will choose to sacrifies themself.
Relates back to my previous post, "Life", we are full of choices to make everyday. If you were to let go, you have this kind of ending. However, what if you choose the other one? No one will ever know the answer because each one of us has different life and we live our life differently from another person. So the experiences that we are going through daily is different. So the other road that is not chosen is something where one can fantasize however they like and regret on this very road that they have choosen and is walking on currently..
Another point where one can lose an unwanted memory purposely and it can be accidently is through serious accident that involves brain. Lost of memory would be the best because those memories will not haunt you and you can totally start a brand new life.. The 3 suggestions that I have mentioned will never work for the rest of your life, as long as you live.. Memories can never be erase.. Time cannot be turned back.. Mistakes cannot be undone.. Water that has been poured away can never be collected back..

I'm still lost...

6 months of being away from you has past.. It is time to face you.. Face the fact and reality.. I'm still lost.. Till now, I still don't know how I want to face you.. Acting behind you, I have no problem. Since crying in this end you cannot see.. At least this wouldn't make you difficult. But.. I'm still tryiing my best to think andto find the easiest and fastest way to forget you.. Unfortunately.. I failed again..

For the past 2 months, I've been telling people I'm ok.. I can go on without you and you are not a problem in my life. However, I've been hinding myself all these while. Living in shadow is what I've been doing. I've already lost you in heart. I can't affort to lose you in sight.. I don't want to even lose the only chance to be able to see you and talk to you..

Tell me I'm stupid.. Say I'm idiot.. I'm doing all these to suffer myself.. But what else can I do? I've tried keeping myself busy to keep my mind away from you.. I've tried to ignore you, but I couldn't resist on replying at the end.. I've tried hating you, unfortunately, I've failed.. Tell me what else can I do to not lose the grip of you anymore but at the same time forgetting all that has to do with you?

10 days more I'll be back in M'sia.. Seeing you soon.. Until now I still can't make up my mind on how to face you.. Why you can never see the love and care I have for you? I do not love you cause you your money.. I love you for who you are..

I'm loving babies...

Haha.. I think I'm starting the hang of babies now. I find them kind of cute.. Whenever I see them smile at me, I feel very happy.. It's like I'm in their world as well.. Wonder if I would ever have my own? After my previous experience with guys, I have phobias with them now. Don't think I'll be having any till I think I'm ready for another go. But.. My hope is still on. It depends on him now to choose.

Have never liked the idea of having baby in the future until he came into my life. But it seems like my wonderful dream has been crushed.. I hope he will make it up to me, or perhaps another guy would proof to me that he is better than that idiot. I just want a sincere and simple guy. Is that so difficult? I don't give a shit if he's rich or poor?? I can take care of my own.. I don't want to use guys money.. I can earn my own.. This is why I want my career. The only thing I'm looking for a partner is to care, love and lend me his shoulder when I feel down. I am giving the same thing out as well. Oh gosh!!! Finding for the right one is so dam difficult..

Anyhow, I've another couple of days and I'm back in Swiss with book, computer and papers. No more seeing babies.. Dam.. Don't know why now I love babies so much.. Find them very innocent look, cute and adorable..

My 3rd dream

Funny thing.. It's really funny... Or should I put it as weird? How can a person dream of someone whom both parties have not even met before? I mean this 3rd dream has happened longs time before. I think about 3 weeks ago? I mean if he did read this, I believe he'll know when it happened cause when I dreamt about him, I got up and txt him the very next morning. He only dreamt about me once. Not sure what his story line is about me. But mine is weird and funny. Haha.. 3 of the dreams that has him in it is related. Has connection to my ex as well.. 3 dreams happened in 3 different places but having same people in it. 3 of them comes to the same ending eventhough started off with a different story line.

Not telling the whole dream cause it's mine.. Very nice and sweet.. Can only tell the ending which is Sayang stood up for me and fucked my ex upside down. Further in detail not telling too cause is my dream. Want to know just ask me.

Sayang is just someone whom I barely know.. Was introduced by a friend. Has been treating him as one close friend eventhough we have not meet each other.. That's why I'm very looking forward to go back and find for him that very day when I arrive. As for Sunway, I think I'll have to stay away from there for a moment until I can get my ex out of my mind cause I've decided to lock my love eternally..

If he so happens to be "not blind" and can see a clear picture again, I wouldn't mind to unlock my love just for him. But at the moment, I'll just need Sayang and Sly with me.. I trust no other guys around me now. Girls only a few of them I'll trust.. Especially not those in Sunway as there are too many bitches. Stealing people's bf.. What the fuck??? Hate those people. I know that girl is Wai Leng's close friend. I will not make Wai Leng difficult. That's between me and her. Cannot blame her as well. That's my fault for being away from Gerald for so long that causes him to lost his love for me.

Becoming a mother soon...

I've been here in UK with my cousin and taking care of his children can really train myself up in becoming a mother. Haha.. But I'm really scared of kids at the moment.. Really difficult to take care of. I don't think I want one next time.. I've had enough with kids. Feeding baby, carrying baby to sleep.. Even when she's asleep, I can't even put her down and myself can't even sit down.. OMG!!! I think I've had muscle on my arms now.. Haha..

Talking about kids, had a very funny conversation with Sayang. Will never and can never forget. But at the same time while I was having wonderful time chatting with Sayng during his over night shift, I've received a message from someone whom I can never believe I've received a reply from. If that person know how himself is, I'm not talking bad about you, but just to let you know, I'm not hating you, neither am I backing myself away. But for the time being, I think I'll need some time to gte you out of my mind. I feel that it is enough of living in the dark. You're not coming back, what for am I holding on to you? You and I both will suffer. Might as well I suffer alone from giving up our memories and live on my own. I believe I can do it. With the help of Sayang, in 3 months time shouldn't be a problem. But if I were to do it alone, I might need a longer time. Will come and face you when I think the time is right.

As for Sayang, I'm really glad to see him online these few days.. Being able to chat with him has brighten my days.. Both him and Sly has been the biggest encourager to me for these past 2 months. Sly would call me once a month to talk for about 30min on the phone. I really need to get something good for him, and Sayang too cause he is always there for me when I needed him. Although he didnt reply me at times, I know he'll either be out of credit or he's working. If he has the credit, he'll get back to me as soon as he has the credit. I'm really glad to say these 2 are my friends.

Mix feeling...

I'm having a mix feeling at the moment.. I don't know to laugh or to cry. Thinking about 'unknown' I can smile at myself. But when I think of 'Mr Smart', I feel like crying. Don't ask me why. I don't know it myself either.

I couldn't sleep at all last night. I've got into bed at 12am but was tossing and turning till 3.30am then only I'm able to fall asleep. Almost got up late for class today. Thank God just skip breakfast and not class.. Haha.. Whole night, the last scene of him keeps appearing in my head. In KLIA.. The promise.. Heart ache.. Tears rolling down my cheek as he dissapeared in front of me. Cannot resist, I cried. Silently, without anyone knowing... Will this be the rest of my life?

Is not I don't want to let go. The thing is I don't know how to let go. I've tried many ways of letting him go. Hating him (impossible)... He has nothing bad in him. Unlike Shan.. What on him that can allow me to hate him? He dump me? Was his freedom of choice.. Mr. Randy is right.. I cannot go on like this forever. Suffer is me not him. He happily enjoying there but I'm crying my life out for him. What's the point? Why go through all this?

Dad told me that time will heal. But I don't see how much it has healed me in this 2 months time. Another month and I'll be back. How should I face him? Smile? Fake? I'm not a faker!! Neither do I want to show him any of my emotional anymore. Other than Wai Leng, Elyse & my dad, the other person whomI can show my weakness to is my sayang.

Sayang has been here listening to me ever since the day I know him Don't know him in person but via phone. Talked to him before and he sounds nice. He always makes me feel better. Unlike that 'Mr Smart'. Thank God I'm blessed with such wonderful friends and families who's always supporting me and most importantly grateful is Sly.. Has been calling once a month and talk to me on the phone for at least 30min.

I feel that as time goes, time has proven to me that he isn't mine. It's asking me to let go.. Can I? Should I? Once again, time. How long?

Heart broken

Why people so like living in yesterdays and not tomorrows.. Is it whatever we do we have to look back into the past? It doesn't feels good living in the past but not looking ahead..

How come some people know how to advice people but don't know how to do it themselves when the same situation happens? This is call acting ba?

It has been the hardest day for me this few days.. History that has been long pass and gone two months ago is being digged out by 'Mr. Smart'. He know how to ask people to look into the future but he himself looking back into the past. And of all, it has to be 2 months ago case.. What the fuck?? Sorry I didn't mean to start back again. But I haven't been writting anything about him for these past 2 months. Was only that month when he dump me..

Does he know his life there other than financial problem which everyone is facing at the moment, his feeling is normal.. He laughs and jokes as usual.. What about me?? Crying is what I do.. I've been trying my best to leave the past. But you keep appearing into my life. How the hell you expect me to walk away from your life? If you want me to be myself, please release me.. Give me this 2 months time to totally forget of all those messery dreams.. I really need time to get pass through it.. I'm not like you saying let go mean let go that very next second. I'm a girl that has putted all my hopes and dreams into it.. Moreover, I'm nt as cold blooded as you..

Darkness is what my life can see at the moment.. From the day you dump me, I've been living in darkness... In hell.. Till I came to know this one person.. At least he brought a bit of the light to light up my life.. But, you're like a wind that comes and blew it out again.. My heart is not steel.. It can be broken easily and it's not as cold as steel.. Please leave me alone.. Stop playing with my psychology.. It's killing me..

Bad mood cuz of her...

Fucking pissed off!!! Dat anjing betina dam bloody pissed me off today.. I'm waiting for tomolo to end and that's it... Finito vif her... Don ever ever ask me to work vif her.. Bloody hell.. Ask us to rush our part out but she didnt even get hers done out at all.. Some more nozing into our part.. Do I not know how to write? Do I not know how to do anything? If that's so, she shouldn't have join our group in the very beginning. Everything has to go through her bf.. Why don't ask her bf to just replace the both of us for the debate?

She sends me her bf copy and ask me to edit a bit.. I edited the so called a bit that she say and she say i didn't change anything. She wanna change or does she wanna edit? Very big difference between changing and editing le.. Pukima!!!

Really in my life first time seeing this kinda person.. I know I'll be seeing even more when I come out to work.. But this is really untolerable lo.. I've almost reach the boiling point just now. I haven't been looking at her when I talk.. The way she ask help from people is like it's a must to do as she orders. Not even a please and thank you.. No manners.. Don't know how her parents brought her up.. Living here for 3 years and this is what she learnt out from the hospitality industry? What a shame... It's an insult to this line.. Oh God.. Praying hard for the debate to end and for Christmas to come..

Confusion

Confused!!! So confused!!!

I really don't know what I want anymore. I've told myself that I would let go and forget about him.. But why now when he's in so much pain, I'm worrying him more than I worry about myself? FUCK!!! What the hell???

Honest speaking, ever since I heard that he had an accident and in more debts, plus drinking is one of his habit now to avoid his problems, I'm really worries about him. I even cried for the past few days just because about this. I'm not sure what I've done is worth it or not. But I guess as long as I think that it's right then it's right. Shouldn't let anyone influence me right?

I want to turn and walk out of his life and away from this pain that I'm having as soon as I can. But seeing his suffer now, I don't feel good myself. Instead, I think I feel what he is feeling now except that I do not have the amount of stress that he is having now. It's not a pity but a pain in my heart to know he's having this kind of problem but I could do nothing to help. I've been a helpless since before.. As his gf last time and as a friend now. Nothing I could do to help or at least to ease his troubles.

My arching heart

Today, I went into his profile and read the comment his sister left for him. I felt hurt.. Depressed.. Sad.. Even feel like crying (actually I did cry).. He had another accident with his car and he has been drinking a lot lately I know.

This is not what I want to see.. I choose to left because I thought he would be happier off without me. But from what I can see, he is still the same. How am I suppose to let go when he's like that?? It's really breaking my heart and killing me.

I don't know if he knows how deep my love is for him or not. But for him to leave me like that I've already open one eye and close the other eye and told myself it's ok and never mind as long as he's happier. But now? My heart is arching..

I know it is not my problem and worrying about it, I find this problem for myself to suffer. But I can't control it.. Why does he not understand? I know he's dyeing to kick me out of his way.. But no matter how hard he kicks, how far he has kicked me to, I still return..

I can't sleep properly lately and has no mood for class.. All I think is how is he.. Silly me but I can't help it. I've been trying to focus on my studies but his problems seems to just drift in naturally.. Like now, I'm supposingly to be studying for my 25% quiz tomorrow. But what am I doing? Blogging.. Palui!!!!

My health

I went to see the doctor after my Mini Session group meeting because I've been having this bloody cough for the past week and it's not getting any better. I went back to the same doctor as before where I had my blood test about a month ago.

When I reach, the receptionist knew who I was because I've spoken to her last time on her trip to M'sia. So it was cool for me with the registration. Then when I went into the doctor's room, she had my blood test report and she told me that everything is ok EXCEPT she find it very funny or weird or whatever it is can be called that girl at my age has a very high cholestrol. SHIT!!! I was shocked out of my life.

Aaarrgghhh!!!! No more seafood... No more bak kut teh... No more nice nice food... Sob sob... Normally, I don really give a dam because I love eating.. But funny thing is when he ask me to jaga my mkn, I dono wat make me just say ok and this is my promise out of nowhere. Haha.. Weird..

Yea.. So here it goes.. Me, not yet even 21 years old, kena high cholestrol.. For normal people is 5.. But me is 6.. My friend also got but hers is lower than mine which is 5.5... You say I die or not???

Mini Session OVER!!!

Yea!!! One week Mini Session has finally come to an end.. Means no need to listen to automotive industry!! Hee... But this also means that normal Module is back in line... SHIT!!!

Got to continue and catch up and rush on my works.. Assignments, debate & presentations!!! Aaarrgghhh!!!!! I'm going crazy... Work work & more work for my brain...

However, I'm happy that I'm almost done with my Literature.. One more short story to go and I'm done. Haha.. I've got my International Management quiz on The Corporation DVD to study le.. HELP!!!

My 18th day of the month (Nov 08)

Today is the 18th of the month. It means another tough day for me. Other than the mini session classes which I have to attend, it's also our anniversary if we are still together. I feel so useless. I've told myself to let go and forget about it, but honest speaking, I really cannot let go. Still I haven't let go even though I kept telling my dad that I'm ok and don't talk about my feelings towards him lately because I don't want my dad to worry about me. I don't want friends to worry about me too. So I choose to lie. I know I hate people lying to me. But I have no choice.

I don't want people to pity me. I choose to be strick in public but weak when I'm alone. He has been always in my mind. Drifting in and out all the time. I do admit after knowing the other new guy, I didn't think much about him. Didn't think much doesn't mean I didn't think at all. Whenever I'm alone or when I work too hard, he'll come into the picture.

I'm not sure if the other guy's present will be able to make me leaving him behind bits by bits or not. I have no confidence because my love for him is seriously too strong. Not even myself can control it. I wish I could do something.

Until this moment, I'm still praying that he would tell me he was just kidding all this while. Every night I would pray to God (it's not something I will do normally) for him to come back to me.

Weird Dream

It has been really weird for me last night as I've never thought that I can dream of someone whom I've never met before in real life but only from pictures. After knowing him and get in touch with him, I've been having weird dreams which involves him. First dream happened last week (can't remember the exact date) and I deny it because I thought I was thinking too much. I dreamt that I was back in Malaysia and I was out clubbing with all my Sunway friends inclusive of my current ex, Sly, Faireen & him (he's an outsider and not Sunwayian). When everything has ended, as usual I was drunk. Couldn't drive home so he drove me but not to my house as he doesn't know where I stay. It was his place but he gave his room to me and he was sleeping another room. That was is and I got up in the morning for class. My main question to this dream was not why I can dream of him but since my ex, Sly & Faireen is there with me too, why they didn't volunteer to drive me back or something? Why let an unknown person driving me not to my home but to his place? I find it unbelievable and impossible to happen. So I choose to ignore it. However, the second dream about him came last night (or I should say early this morning) where it is kind of blur because I ahve no idea where that place is. Very blur scene. But I know he is there next to me and we are actually enjoying ourselves. Lots of laughter, lots of catching and messing around. It was just a 10 minutes dream cause I had to wake up for my class. And because of this dream, I was about to be late for class. I wanted to tell him but I was afraid that he'll thinks that I'm into him or something. I hinted him and he too said that a couple of days ago he had with me. I find it very weird for both of us have not even met before can dream of each other just like that. One time is understandable, but mine is twice. I'm not sure if he's telling the truth, but he sounded like it. I'm not sure if there will be another dream which relates to him or not next week or in the coming future before I get back to really meet up with him. Ha??? Scary la.. Dreaming of someone you have not met before.. Anyone tried that before?

It's great knowing 'unknown'

I can say I've finally letting it go bits by bits now. Knowing this 'unknown' guy has been something good happen to me and it is a chance for me to to open up myself to get to know more people and also give myself a chance to look around. It's not like 'HE' is the only guy in this world. There are some out there who are much more better than 'HIM'. Honest speaking, after knowing this 'unknown' guy, I've stopped crying every night cause of 'HIM', I've not been thinking about 'HIM' even when I have free time. Most importantly, I'm no longer being sad.. I feel happy everytime I play sms with this 'unknown' guy. Haha.. You guys must be wondering why I bother with unknown person huh? I name him unknown is not because he's invisible or what-so-ever. I do know him but it's through internet and it's through a friend. So he is unknown to me in person. Will have chance to really get to know him when I get back there. Not sure if there would be any firework between us. Will not think about it but will let faith decide for me. The only thing that faith can't decide for me will be my career. I do as I want. Relationship, will just let it go as it is.. If we're meant to be it will fall into place when it's the right time. No point trying so hard when one day you will split and all efforts are being dumpped into the ocean.. So, knowing him has been the greatest day of my life here ever since I've got dumpped by another Sunway guy.

Time to change

It's the end of my 1st week of Module 2. I can't believe how time flies now. It seems like it's getting faster and faster. It's good in a way I know that my birthday is around the corner, which means I'm turning 21 and that also means that I'm getting OLD!!! Aaarrrgghhh... So sux.. On top of that, it also means that Christmas is coming soon and I'm able to join my cousin in UK. I really can't wait to meet up with him and travel around for Christmas and most importantly is having my ever first White Christmas. 3 weeks after Christmas break, I'll finish my BBA program. Mom and brother is attending my graduation. So, I'm seeing them soon too. However, all happy things have been mentioned, and now the confusing or sad or whatever you want to categorize it, moment of truth and fact. I've to soon be back and face the reality of 'HIM'. Still wondering how would I react when I see him either by accidentally or during one of the nights out with my Sunway people. Don't know how my reaction will be, but I've told myself and restrict myself on letting go and stop everything and also forget what I've said earlier on waiting for him. I can't just stop my life cause of a guy. In this world there are so many guys out there. Like what his sister said, there can't be a guy out there who is better than him. I think like Richard Branson, be a risk taker or you should say trial & error. Without trying, you will not know if it works or not. Why want to restrict myself from getting to know other guys? Why want to waste my time on someone who gives me up cause of his own problem? Anyway, I've been really happy for these past 2 weeks, or I should say after knowing this 'somebody'. He has been there for me when I needed him. Chat on Facebook during his work and also on sms during his off days/leaves. Wooo... Woo... Die!!! I've just came to realize that I've spent about CHF 10 in 4 days time just playing sms with him le.. But.. It's really sweet of him.. Will treat him as friend at the moment and see how things come when we really get to know. Really 'unknown' to me now.. Haha..

Come to realize

What do I believe in? Very good question. Trust? Honesty? Sincerity? I think the most important is to believe in yourself. This world is too huge. Too many people. So many things happening and yet you can only choose to accept one. It's difficult being on the fance. However, after what I've gone through, I've come to the sense that family and friends is my answer. Family especially parents will always be there no matter what happens. No matter how low you've dropped, they will support and guide you back. In simple, they are the main motivator. I cannot agree more than I have been blessed with a good family with a simple life style. I cannot thank the God much for giving me to such mother who nags for the good of her children and never gives up, and a very understanding father and husband. Cannot deny the fact that my mom has the luck. Will I have one myself too? Anyway, the other believe is friends. I mean by true friends. Not those who are there when you have the fame and drags you to the drain when you're in shit. I would also want to thank God for the friends I have around me now (except for back stabbers). Those like my Gangz whom I knew since beginning in secondary school, my friends all around the world from AFS, friends from college & Sunway Hotel (inclusive of AM & managers of different departments), and not to forget my friends in my BBA course too have been giving me lots of support. When I come to flash back, how can I not see all these in the past month? Just because of a person, I want to stop my life? I banned my fun time? FUCK!! NO!!! What for? I should learn to accept changes because things and people around us changes from day-to-day and time-to-time. I've finally give up on being so stuborn. I should let go. If thing is mine, it'll come back in the future. If it doesn't comes back, it has never been mine since the start. Which means it will come to an end sooner or later. So, why not sooner rather than suffering even worst later? Emotion hitted me again this week. Was still as bad as ever. But I've stonned my heart on it. I will continue freezing it from now on. Anyhow, really thank Jesson (unknown friend of mine). He has been here for me all the time talking with him during his work (over night), and on sms too when he's free. If I txt him and there's no reply, that can be either he's sleeping, or he's too busy at work. He has been very nice with me since beginning even though I don't know him. Will open up myself to know more people so that I can really see is 'HE' still the right one or there is someone else out there who's worth having me better than 'HIM'. No doubt the love I have for 'HIM' will fade. But if it is NOT mine, I will force myself in doing whatever it takes to forget about 'HIM'.