Today is the 18th of the month. It means another tough day for me. Other than the mini session classes which I have to attend, it's also our anniversary if we are still together. I feel so useless. I've told myself to let go and forget about it, but honest speaking, I really cannot let go. Still I haven't let go even though I kept telling my dad that I'm ok and don't talk about my feelings towards him lately because I don't want my dad to worry about me. I don't want friends to worry about me too. So I choose to lie. I know I hate people lying to me. But I have no choice.
I don't want people to pity me. I choose to be strick in public but weak when I'm alone. He has been always in my mind. Drifting in and out all the time. I do admit after knowing the other new guy, I didn't think much about him. Didn't think much doesn't mean I didn't think at all. Whenever I'm alone or when I work too hard, he'll come into the picture.
I'm not sure if the other guy's present will be able to make me leaving him behind bits by bits or not. I have no confidence because my love for him is seriously too strong. Not even myself can control it. I wish I could do something.
Until this moment, I'm still praying that he would tell me he was just kidding all this while. Every night I would pray to God (it's not something I will do normally) for him to come back to me.
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