It's time to bottle up and leave it behind

Everything that I've gone through for the past 2 months is not very good. Can say till now, I still don't know what am I doing. Missing him a lot.. Still hoping for things to get back to normal.. But all is done and over. I know it from inside my heart. I'm cheating myself telling we still have hope, we still have chance. All this is just a lie to make myself feel comfortable. His sms to me when I enter the KLIA departure gate to trust him that he will wait for me and promised that he will wait, has always been the motivation message for me since I went through that departure gate till today where I am now. However, now is the time to bottle it up and leave it behind. Whatever he has said that he is different from Shan or those in Sunway is not what I can see. Same thing. After getting what they want and 'bye bye' is what they say. I know he doesn't like me writting about him here. But sorry to say, this is me. I'm not trying to talk bad things about him, neither am I trying to contaminating him here. All I want to say is clearly stated on my headline.

My love for him will never change. However, I don't want to live in a misserable life here crying day & night, or I should say whenever he pops into my mind and he is back there enjoying his life happily. I choose to ignore everything that he does back there and hears no news about him anymore. I choose to hate myself for loving him before but I will learn to smile at him when I see him next year and thank him for being in my life once for those happy memories that he has given me before I leave to Switzerland. Anybody who needs a bottle of bitter medicine, can always come and get from me. I have a huge bottle here. People who needs love consulting, to be advice not to come looking for me as I have failed in mine and I don't want to make people fail in theirs too like me. I will try to stay away from him as much as I could. He have his friends in Sunway, I will try not to go there often when I get back. Even if I were to go, I'll make sure I turn and walk the opposite way when I see him around the corner. I do agree and yet I'm still believing that life without him with me is meaningless. But, life without myself is worst. So I'll need to stand strong myself before I can be a supporter to that person.

"Goodbye my beloved dear.. It's time to continue my life and leave our so called planned future and hope behind.. You know where I am whenever you want to come back, I'm always open for you. Hopefully, this will be the last blog that I'll write about you. Enjoy your life and stay happy. That's all I want to see from you. My love for you is bottled up, but not thrown away. It will always sit in the same place as to where you have left it for you to open it back. Love you always.."