Confusion

Confused!!! So confused!!!

I really don't know what I want anymore. I've told myself that I would let go and forget about him.. But why now when he's in so much pain, I'm worrying him more than I worry about myself? FUCK!!! What the hell???

Honest speaking, ever since I heard that he had an accident and in more debts, plus drinking is one of his habit now to avoid his problems, I'm really worries about him. I even cried for the past few days just because about this. I'm not sure what I've done is worth it or not. But I guess as long as I think that it's right then it's right. Shouldn't let anyone influence me right?

I want to turn and walk out of his life and away from this pain that I'm having as soon as I can. But seeing his suffer now, I don't feel good myself. Instead, I think I feel what he is feeling now except that I do not have the amount of stress that he is having now. It's not a pity but a pain in my heart to know he's having this kind of problem but I could do nothing to help. I've been a helpless since before.. As his gf last time and as a friend now. Nothing I could do to help or at least to ease his troubles.