Found You!!!

Phew.. After such a long timw have not entered this account, I thought I have lost it.. But fortunately, I manage to log in again.. Lol..

Having mentioned in all of my previous blogs on not being able to let you go and can't for get you, I'm perfectly sure this time. You are long gone from my heart. I have finally returned your heart back to you.

Technically, I have found someone who is much more better than you. Someone who can really hold onto his words, doesn't care who I was previously and most inportantly, someone who makes my day ending with a smile.

The chapter whereby me & you, is closed. A brand new chapter has opened in my life. After this, there will not be anymore things in here pertaining you. It will all about me and him. My one and only. ^.^

Memory

Your face and hers has kept appearing on my mind. I can't control myself on it. It's killing me now. I know it is stupid to look back on what has happened. But your heart has never left me. It has always been where it was belong. I don't know how long will this need to go on, neither will I know you will be my memory. At times, things just feels like it was just yesterday. How could you be so cruel to just leave me like that? Leave my heart to continuously bleeding for you? Your heart doesn't have me anymore. You only have her. I envy her. But I wish for you to be happy. You happy, that is everything that matters to me.

Big company with bad attitute people?

Lol.. I can never belief what kind of world this is.. Having a famous and huge company like Ikea, can employ such a person and also having such a "human" to be the head. Oh My God!!!

I cannot imagine how can there be such a person existed.. Told them no room on all category, yet die also they want one room. Worst of all, paying for a D grade item, but expecting an A grade item. Is this what Ikea which is a well known company trained their staff to be? Or is it just that one lady who is having an attitute/character problem?

Something tells me, she's like some of the "other" people I've always categorized under the "human's head with a pig brain".. Well, these sentance is used on a chinese term. Anyway, her boss, which is the even worst one of all, called to the hotel GM and not sure shouted or complaint, but it's definitely too much. Die-die also we (hotel) have to die a room out for "HIM". They only cared about their own big bosses and never cared about other people.. They can do anything and I really mean by ANYTHING (eventhough other people from other company's reservation had to be canceled off), just to squeeze her reservation for her BIG boss.

I pitied my colleague being in the reservation department for needing to deal with sure person everyday..Not like she makes reservations at least a day before like any other proper guests. She ALWAYS do last minute book. Or I should phrase it last minute "MUST HAVE ROOM PLUS FREE UPGRADED ROOM".

Anyhow, I believe what comes around, goes around. Since she is doing like this to us, wait till that one day when Ikea doesn't have enough stocks to sell and she so happen to meet a guest like herself, die-die also want one, see how she'll feel. Wait and see.. God is fair.. Giving us hard time now, she'll soon have hers too.. *wink* Not cursing, but this is the fact. One will only learn and understand the theory of life when it has struck them. Unfortunately, I am very dissapointed with company such as Ikea. Such well known around the world, especially in the Europe side.. But yet.. Haiz.. *speachless*

Missing you suddenly

I don't know what has got into me. Every month facing the same problem. How and when am I going to get use to it and not allowing myself to drop a single tears just because of you anymore? That's what I use to say, problem is not on anyone. Is just me. I am the problem.

Everything about you seem to be just yesterday that it happened. The pain was there a year ago, but it seems like it is still fresh. I have been alone for the past 17 months without you by my side, but it just seems like you were just next to me yesterday and just left today. The pain, the scar & the madness in me, felt so real.

Sitting alone lately, your shadow (not image) just flew pass my mind. I thought I saw you in the corner somewhere. But it wasn't you. Was just my imagination. How stupid of me?

Told people I was ok but in fact, I wasn't. Bluffed people & also myself. What's the point?

Last night was on the phone with Sayang and he scolded me on not letting go of you and causing myself in so much trouble and pain. I told him I'm done and over. But today, cried again. People told me I needed to find another person in order to replace you from my heart, but I don't know if that works or not. Trying out huh?

Poeple that I'm trying out with is like what I have mentioned in my previous blog. Have partner. I am the 3rd party!! What the FUCK?? I odn't want this to happen as I was at their place before and I know how painful it is when you lose someone you love. I don't want to be that kind of bitch. If I were to do so, that is call revenge. Not replacing.

3rd party?

I wonder how does it feels being a 3rd party in someone's relationship? Any guilty feeling or is it just wonderful cause you get to have somebody with you?

Many questions on my mind.. But no answers to it.. Do I really need to find it out myself? What will be the consequences if I do so? But the main question is "IS IT WRONG TO GO IN BETWEEN OTHER PEOPLE'S RELATIONSHIP?" I mean relationship.. Not married life.. Just an ordinary going out or so called date (I suppose)..

Sometimes, when you have been hurt too much till you have lost your sense, you couldn't feel anymore what other people might feel.. The only focus in your mind will be "I wanna heal.. I wanna heal.. I wanna heal..." This is where people has lost their minds and caused problem for another couple.. Girls and guys are the same anyway.. This general statement applies to both gender.

Back to me, have I done something wrong? Must I continue or shall I put a full stop on it?

My life now?

I wonder how does it feel if I kept continue like this. Being able to move from here to there, jumping from this end to the other end. Although sometimes when things you know aren't yours, but yet it does make you happy, you will still stick to on something which you know it's not right. Have been there but yet I'm doing it on another person.. So so so..... BAD of me... Fuck it!!

But of all things I know, I'm living in a no fear -life at the moment.. Nothing to worry about, other than $$$.. Haha.. I guess that's what everybody is having headache about huh? Anyhow, too numb to feel what EVERYONE is feeling.. Now cannot feel anything but me, myself & I.. Selfish I know.. But I guess that is human's life.

Is it that difficult to make choice in life & also to accept things that are suppose to be?

I miss you..

Agnus Monica - Matahariku

This is a Malay song sung by an Indon singer.. Very meaningful and it's my song for him..

Tertutup sudah pintu, pintu hatiku
Yang pernah dibuka waktu, hanya untukmu
Kini kau pergi, dari hidupku
Ku harus relakan mu
Walau aku tak mahu

Berjuta warna pelangi di dalam hati
Sejenak luruh bergeming
Menjauh pergi
Tak ada lagi, cahaya suci
Semua nada teranjak
Aku terdiam sepi

Dengarlah matahariku
Suara tangisan ku
Ku bersedih, karena panah cinta menusuk jangtung ku
Ucapkan matahari ku
Puasi tentang hidup ku
Tentang ku yang tak pernah menaklukkan waktu

Moving into new chapter

I think I'm starting to like my life now.. Just be myself.. Whoever need me to be there, I'm there.. Making people feeling better, makes me feel happy too.. However, being in a situation whereby most people now has lots of relationship problems or so-called financial problems, I don't know what to say to them.. Nothing much I can do to help other than be there to lent my ears and some of my time. Hearing on people's problems and then can't get to do anything feels very frustrating.. However, when there is something you could do that made them feel better, it makes me glad as well.

Fogetting my relationship does looks like an impossible thing especially I've destined he is my only one.. Why not just use up my depression time and put it on times that can help other people cheered up? Isn't it something worth while doing? Don't have relationship is not important anymore.. I think I can survive even better on my own. Why wanna crack my head on guys. Not worth it. People like Jeevan and guys at work say those 3 words, no meaning to me at all. Yet I still hang out with them as friends.. We go for break together and still talk during work.. They don't know why am I keeping to myself but they respect on my desicion.