My unbelievable dream...

I was shocked with the dream I've had last night.. It's an unbelievable one since a year ago.. I've only dreamt about him before we got together and now, after breaking up for 6 months, I'm actually dreaming about him? What the fuck???

I really don't know how and what to say about myself now.. Do I really want to let my past go? If I do, why am I suffering like this just because of a dream? What does this dream meant? Has it any meaning or is it trying to show me something? I really want to know..

A year ago, I dreamt about being together with you and "BAM", my dream came true.. What about now? I've had a similar dream about it again and this is 6 months after being away from you. Coming back being a stranger but having that kind of dream that felt you have not left me all these while.. What is it trying to tell me? Or I should ask what are you trying to show me?

Undeniable you are still in my heart.. Undeniable having a bf now is just an excuse for me not to think about you.. Undeniable for attending interview in Sunway but not going back to work was just avoid away from you. I have no idea how long it will take me to realize all that I'm doing has no benefit for me, but it has everything good deed for you.

I do not know why am I caring so much about what you think rather that how I think. You are my threat.. I don't know how am I going to use my strength to turn this threat into an opportunity for something new.. I've been searching to look at this matter in a new angle, a new perspective.. But it seems like it's not working..

Is that dream trying to tell me to get you back? How am I suppose to know you can be trusted this time.. Since I have all these questions in my head, it show that I have doubt you will come back sincerely to me.. Since there is no trust in me to you, I don't see the reason for me to force you back with me. I don't know how happy you are at the moment, I don't know what fucking news you have said in the hotel, and I do not want to know if you fucking care about me anymore, all I want is just a peaceful life.. I'm back from a new place during new year.. I just want a peaceful life. Can't you just give me back my life? You want glamour that's your fucking business.. But don't drag me into it. I'm out of your life and I'm out of the picture between you and all those "girls" of yours..