TRUST???

Trust as per Wikipedia is a relationship of reliance. Trust does not need to involve belief in the good character, vices, or morals of the other party. Trust is a statement about what is otherwise unknown.

In my dictionary, trust is something a person can choose to have it. You can choose to trust or not that somebody. If you have choosen to trust in it, and later to suspect, this is not the other party's fault but your fault. Human beings like to put the blame on another person but not themselves. I don't know why.

Starting a relationship it means that you trust your partner. You trust him/her on everything, that's the only reason to start a relationship. I mean there are some fools who starts their relationship because of loneliness. I have friends like that. So I'm not surprise. This is another story. Back to my main topic, trust. Being with someone it means you've putted your trust on him/her. But how can the trust be there if suspicion is also there?

Trust tags along with many words. However, one of it in realtionship wise is 'CARE'. When you trust that person, automatically you'll care.. But will the care still be there if the trust is not there? I presume no. If so, I really want to know what is the point on holding something that you have no trust? As it was being said, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was & always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with".

*If you are reading this and feels the fire, I think you are not a stupid person to understand what it's written in here. Not unless your english is weaker than I thought. Like I've said, it's your choice. You ahve the rights to choose what you want to do. But bare in mind whatever decision you have made, whatever the results will be, don't regret crying over the spilt milk. That's all the advice I will say.*

My Job

OMG!!! I cannot believe I'm doing this.. I'm working at Royale Bintang being a Guest Service Assistant (GSA) but I've to go through HSK for cross exposure before I start my real job at F/O... Unbelievable I'm back doing bed making again.. Tired like shit!!! The moment I reach home, I'll check my FB and boom.. I'll be sleeping like a pig..

However, I've some benefit on doing this cross training.. I've learnt about the 6 difference rooms there is in Royale Bintang, what they have in those different types of rooms and the facilities.. I can't really remember all, but more or less, I know what they have inside.. Bed making in Royale Bintang is not as easy as in Sunway.. They have 3 layers.. However, the job here is much more lighter compared to in Sunway.. The kakaks here are very helpful.. They really teach you as if you are their permenant in HSK..

Unfortunately, I still miss Sunway.. I really wish I can go back to Sunway.. But there are many things there which is stopping me from going back.. First of all is the complication of the replationship wise.. I know it has nothing to do with me especially I have Joey, Sayang & Sly here to support me.. But more or less, those 8 po people in Sunway really make me beh tahan them.. Moreover, some people in Sunway also very lanci especially those who have been just promoted.. Say hi to them like saying hi to a wall.. Especially a dirty bastard whose surname is Tai.. He nothing but a jerk.. Only knwo how to act innocent.. Fuck it la.. Haha...

Still considering how I want to react if Sunway really call me up for the medical check up.. Should I go or should I reject???

My unbelievable dream...

I was shocked with the dream I've had last night.. It's an unbelievable one since a year ago.. I've only dreamt about him before we got together and now, after breaking up for 6 months, I'm actually dreaming about him? What the fuck???

I really don't know how and what to say about myself now.. Do I really want to let my past go? If I do, why am I suffering like this just because of a dream? What does this dream meant? Has it any meaning or is it trying to show me something? I really want to know..

A year ago, I dreamt about being together with you and "BAM", my dream came true.. What about now? I've had a similar dream about it again and this is 6 months after being away from you. Coming back being a stranger but having that kind of dream that felt you have not left me all these while.. What is it trying to tell me? Or I should ask what are you trying to show me?

Undeniable you are still in my heart.. Undeniable having a bf now is just an excuse for me not to think about you.. Undeniable for attending interview in Sunway but not going back to work was just avoid away from you. I have no idea how long it will take me to realize all that I'm doing has no benefit for me, but it has everything good deed for you.

I do not know why am I caring so much about what you think rather that how I think. You are my threat.. I don't know how am I going to use my strength to turn this threat into an opportunity for something new.. I've been searching to look at this matter in a new angle, a new perspective.. But it seems like it's not working..

Is that dream trying to tell me to get you back? How am I suppose to know you can be trusted this time.. Since I have all these questions in my head, it show that I have doubt you will come back sincerely to me.. Since there is no trust in me to you, I don't see the reason for me to force you back with me. I don't know how happy you are at the moment, I don't know what fucking news you have said in the hotel, and I do not want to know if you fucking care about me anymore, all I want is just a peaceful life.. I'm back from a new place during new year.. I just want a peaceful life. Can't you just give me back my life? You want glamour that's your fucking business.. But don't drag me into it. I'm out of your life and I'm out of the picture between you and all those "girls" of yours..