Missing you till now...

It's been months since that day.. I've told myself to let go and I'm still telling myself to let go until now.. Why can't I just fucking let you go??? Many ways I've used to get you fucking out of my life.. But if never seem to work.. Can say I'm weak ba... Whenever I've let you out a bit, the very moment I hear you have something on, I'm back once more.. How longwill this take me to let you go?

Knowing Sayang is the best thing of my life.. He made me stressless I should say.. However, that doesn't make him my lover.. My own bf has been stealed away by someone else, I don't want to be that person stealing other people's lover. I'm not that bitchy afterall.. Or not so complicated..

Do you know because of you, I've caused Sayang into troubled? I know it's not your fault but mine. However if the main reason wasn't you, I wouldn't have needed to do this. I've been telling you Sayang, Sayang and Sayang.. Even putted Sayang's picture on my phone & iTouch just for you to see. But all this was to draw my attention away from you. No more looking at you, no more thinking about you..

Today, when I read back all of our previous message from YahooMail to friendster messages from you when we first know each other, to our sms since you have my number till the day we broke up, & the messages in facebook that we had our conversation, I'm sorry to say I've broke down again.. My mind ran back to your memories.. I mean back to our memories from the day I saw you in Rainforest till that day mrning your message came to me asking for break up..

And now, I'm no longer in your heart cause my place which used to be in your heart has been taken over by some other girls.. This hurts me very much.. But what can I do? You are not mine from the start. It was a mistake knowing you and being together.. I really hope you do see who is the one who really loves you till now.. Till this very moment when you are in shit, when your sister needed help, who is the one willingly to help? I could have said no.. It's your sister not mine.. I have no connection with you at all.. Why should I be helping? When you are down writting all those things on your shout out, I'm worried.. I wanted to know what is happening.. But I have no rights to know now cause you are no longer mine.. You belong to someone else now..

I'm eally looking forward and praying everyday for you to return one day.. I dono how long will I need to wait.. A year? Centuries? Or never will I get you back, I don't know. But I'm praying and will always be praying till the day you come back to me.. I really miss you..

My Syg...

Thank God to know him.. Syg, jak kenal u, I happy je.. Byk hal dtg pun I x tkut skarang ni.. U slalu cheer me up.. X tlg I solve, pi dgr dah cukup.. Tu je yg I nak.. Pi ms tuk kita hnya 3 bln.. Ni la jnji qta.. U hnya tlg I lupakan org tu dlm ms 3 bln.. Pas 3 bln u bukan sapa2 gi.. Kwn je.. Mmg x hrp 3 bln ni pas.. Haiz... Pi 4 mlm ni dpt chat sm Syg, I happy sgt la.. Thanks!!! Owe u a bunch.. My best valentines gift of all from God dis yr...

The Fact Is Not As Difficult To Face As I Thought

After what has happened for the past 6 months being away from my loved one and being apart now, I have been having the 'scared' feeling on facing him. Many things ran through my mind before coming back. How I want to face him? What should my reaction be when I see him? Many thousands of questions in my mind...

However, when I got back, that day itself my challenge was to face him.. After getting his call and as I was going to the hotel, I was scared.. Nervous.. But when he is really in front of my face, the feeling is not what I thought it would be.. I face him very friendly.. I smiled and talked as usual.. No bad feeling or what-so-ever.. Not even missing him or the word 'love' to him doesn't even seem to exist.. So this is a very good sign to show that I'm all totally done and over with him..

Unfortunately, every good has its bad too.. I do agree I'm over with him, but one thing which I cannot stand hearing is his life now.. I have no idea what life he's in now as I do not know him anymore.. I don't understand every single thing he does.. He's no longer the person I used to know. He seem to be lost.. Doesn't know what he's doing or something like that.. My heart aches when I heard all these.. I want to help.. But I've ended up myself in shit now.. I guess someone in the hotel is trying to get me stay far away from him.. Everytime when I have activity that involves him, the very next day, rumours spreaded like fire..

People says that I'm back to take him back.. They have been saying I'm talking bad about him and his ex (which I don't agree on doin).. I don't know how childish can these people in hotel be. I understand the season is low and nothing much to do.. But can't they just stop nozing into people's personal life? Work is work.. Why want to pull personal life into it? So unprofessionism.. Cheah wa... Like making myself sound so proffesional.. Haha... Anyway, don't they use their brain to think, what good will it give me if I really were the one who is talking bad about he and his ex? He comes back to me? Fuck him!!! He has hurt me bad enough.. Even if he wants, sorry, everything is too late to turn back.. I love my life now.. I have my Sayang with me now.. Sayang is a better person than him.. At least he doesn't feel that my care and concern is a control..

What I'm trying to say is, whatever happens, just face the fact.. You might think it's difficult and impossible to face it, but once you are there, you will see it is not what you think it is.. So just chill and relax.. Face it like a man (eventhough you're a woman)... Hahaha...