My life now?

I wonder how does it feel if I kept continue like this. Being able to move from here to there, jumping from this end to the other end. Although sometimes when things you know aren't yours, but yet it does make you happy, you will still stick to on something which you know it's not right. Have been there but yet I'm doing it on another person.. So so so..... BAD of me... Fuck it!!

But of all things I know, I'm living in a no fear -life at the moment.. Nothing to worry about, other than $$$.. Haha.. I guess that's what everybody is having headache about huh? Anyhow, too numb to feel what EVERYONE is feeling.. Now cannot feel anything but me, myself & I.. Selfish I know.. But I guess that is human's life.

Is it that difficult to make choice in life & also to accept things that are suppose to be?

I miss you..

Agnus Monica - Matahariku

This is a Malay song sung by an Indon singer.. Very meaningful and it's my song for him..

Tertutup sudah pintu, pintu hatiku
Yang pernah dibuka waktu, hanya untukmu
Kini kau pergi, dari hidupku
Ku harus relakan mu
Walau aku tak mahu

Berjuta warna pelangi di dalam hati
Sejenak luruh bergeming
Menjauh pergi
Tak ada lagi, cahaya suci
Semua nada teranjak
Aku terdiam sepi

Dengarlah matahariku
Suara tangisan ku
Ku bersedih, karena panah cinta menusuk jangtung ku
Ucapkan matahari ku
Puasi tentang hidup ku
Tentang ku yang tak pernah menaklukkan waktu

Moving into new chapter

I think I'm starting to like my life now.. Just be myself.. Whoever need me to be there, I'm there.. Making people feeling better, makes me feel happy too.. However, being in a situation whereby most people now has lots of relationship problems or so-called financial problems, I don't know what to say to them.. Nothing much I can do to help other than be there to lent my ears and some of my time. Hearing on people's problems and then can't get to do anything feels very frustrating.. However, when there is something you could do that made them feel better, it makes me glad as well.

Fogetting my relationship does looks like an impossible thing especially I've destined he is my only one.. Why not just use up my depression time and put it on times that can help other people cheered up? Isn't it something worth while doing? Don't have relationship is not important anymore.. I think I can survive even better on my own. Why wanna crack my head on guys. Not worth it. People like Jeevan and guys at work say those 3 words, no meaning to me at all. Yet I still hang out with them as friends.. We go for break together and still talk during work.. They don't know why am I keeping to myself but they respect on my desicion.