Haha.. I think I'm starting the hang of babies now. I find them kind of cute.. Whenever I see them smile at me, I feel very happy.. It's like I'm in their world as well.. Wonder if I would ever have my own? After my previous experience with guys, I have phobias with them now. Don't think I'll be having any till I think I'm ready for another go. But.. My hope is still on. It depends on him now to choose.
Have never liked the idea of having baby in the future until he came into my life. But it seems like my wonderful dream has been crushed.. I hope he will make it up to me, or perhaps another guy would proof to me that he is better than that idiot. I just want a sincere and simple guy. Is that so difficult? I don't give a shit if he's rich or poor?? I can take care of my own.. I don't want to use guys money.. I can earn my own.. This is why I want my career. The only thing I'm looking for a partner is to care, love and lend me his shoulder when I feel down. I am giving the same thing out as well. Oh gosh!!! Finding for the right one is so dam difficult..
Anyhow, I've another couple of days and I'm back in Swiss with book, computer and papers. No more seeing babies.. Dam.. Don't know why now I love babies so much.. Find them very innocent look, cute and adorable..
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
My 3rd dream
Funny thing.. It's really funny... Or should I put it as weird? How can a person dream of someone whom both parties have not even met before? I mean this 3rd dream has happened longs time before. I think about 3 weeks ago? I mean if he did read this, I believe he'll know when it happened cause when I dreamt about him, I got up and txt him the very next morning. He only dreamt about me once. Not sure what his story line is about me. But mine is weird and funny. Haha.. 3 of the dreams that has him in it is related. Has connection to my ex as well.. 3 dreams happened in 3 different places but having same people in it. 3 of them comes to the same ending eventhough started off with a different story line.
Not telling the whole dream cause it's mine.. Very nice and sweet.. Can only tell the ending which is Sayang stood up for me and fucked my ex upside down. Further in detail not telling too cause is my dream. Want to know just ask me.
Sayang is just someone whom I barely know.. Was introduced by a friend. Has been treating him as one close friend eventhough we have not meet each other.. That's why I'm very looking forward to go back and find for him that very day when I arrive. As for Sunway, I think I'll have to stay away from there for a moment until I can get my ex out of my mind cause I've decided to lock my love eternally..
If he so happens to be "not blind" and can see a clear picture again, I wouldn't mind to unlock my love just for him. But at the moment, I'll just need Sayang and Sly with me.. I trust no other guys around me now. Girls only a few of them I'll trust.. Especially not those in Sunway as there are too many bitches. Stealing people's bf.. What the fuck??? Hate those people. I know that girl is Wai Leng's close friend. I will not make Wai Leng difficult. That's between me and her. Cannot blame her as well. That's my fault for being away from Gerald for so long that causes him to lost his love for me.
Not telling the whole dream cause it's mine.. Very nice and sweet.. Can only tell the ending which is Sayang stood up for me and fucked my ex upside down. Further in detail not telling too cause is my dream. Want to know just ask me.
Sayang is just someone whom I barely know.. Was introduced by a friend. Has been treating him as one close friend eventhough we have not meet each other.. That's why I'm very looking forward to go back and find for him that very day when I arrive. As for Sunway, I think I'll have to stay away from there for a moment until I can get my ex out of my mind cause I've decided to lock my love eternally..
If he so happens to be "not blind" and can see a clear picture again, I wouldn't mind to unlock my love just for him. But at the moment, I'll just need Sayang and Sly with me.. I trust no other guys around me now. Girls only a few of them I'll trust.. Especially not those in Sunway as there are too many bitches. Stealing people's bf.. What the fuck??? Hate those people. I know that girl is Wai Leng's close friend. I will not make Wai Leng difficult. That's between me and her. Cannot blame her as well. That's my fault for being away from Gerald for so long that causes him to lost his love for me.
Becoming a mother soon...
I've been here in UK with my cousin and taking care of his children can really train myself up in becoming a mother. Haha.. But I'm really scared of kids at the moment.. Really difficult to take care of. I don't think I want one next time.. I've had enough with kids. Feeding baby, carrying baby to sleep.. Even when she's asleep, I can't even put her down and myself can't even sit down.. OMG!!! I think I've had muscle on my arms now.. Haha..
Talking about kids, had a very funny conversation with Sayang. Will never and can never forget. But at the same time while I was having wonderful time chatting with Sayng during his over night shift, I've received a message from someone whom I can never believe I've received a reply from. If that person know how himself is, I'm not talking bad about you, but just to let you know, I'm not hating you, neither am I backing myself away. But for the time being, I think I'll need some time to gte you out of my mind. I feel that it is enough of living in the dark. You're not coming back, what for am I holding on to you? You and I both will suffer. Might as well I suffer alone from giving up our memories and live on my own. I believe I can do it. With the help of Sayang, in 3 months time shouldn't be a problem. But if I were to do it alone, I might need a longer time. Will come and face you when I think the time is right.
As for Sayang, I'm really glad to see him online these few days.. Being able to chat with him has brighten my days.. Both him and Sly has been the biggest encourager to me for these past 2 months. Sly would call me once a month to talk for about 30min on the phone. I really need to get something good for him, and Sayang too cause he is always there for me when I needed him. Although he didnt reply me at times, I know he'll either be out of credit or he's working. If he has the credit, he'll get back to me as soon as he has the credit. I'm really glad to say these 2 are my friends.
Talking about kids, had a very funny conversation with Sayang. Will never and can never forget. But at the same time while I was having wonderful time chatting with Sayng during his over night shift, I've received a message from someone whom I can never believe I've received a reply from. If that person know how himself is, I'm not talking bad about you, but just to let you know, I'm not hating you, neither am I backing myself away. But for the time being, I think I'll need some time to gte you out of my mind. I feel that it is enough of living in the dark. You're not coming back, what for am I holding on to you? You and I both will suffer. Might as well I suffer alone from giving up our memories and live on my own. I believe I can do it. With the help of Sayang, in 3 months time shouldn't be a problem. But if I were to do it alone, I might need a longer time. Will come and face you when I think the time is right.
As for Sayang, I'm really glad to see him online these few days.. Being able to chat with him has brighten my days.. Both him and Sly has been the biggest encourager to me for these past 2 months. Sly would call me once a month to talk for about 30min on the phone. I really need to get something good for him, and Sayang too cause he is always there for me when I needed him. Although he didnt reply me at times, I know he'll either be out of credit or he's working. If he has the credit, he'll get back to me as soon as he has the credit. I'm really glad to say these 2 are my friends.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Mix feeling...
I'm having a mix feeling at the moment.. I don't know to laugh or to cry. Thinking about 'unknown' I can smile at myself. But when I think of 'Mr Smart', I feel like crying. Don't ask me why. I don't know it myself either.
I couldn't sleep at all last night. I've got into bed at 12am but was tossing and turning till 3.30am then only I'm able to fall asleep. Almost got up late for class today. Thank God just skip breakfast and not class.. Haha.. Whole night, the last scene of him keeps appearing in my head. In KLIA.. The promise.. Heart ache.. Tears rolling down my cheek as he dissapeared in front of me. Cannot resist, I cried. Silently, without anyone knowing... Will this be the rest of my life?
Is not I don't want to let go. The thing is I don't know how to let go. I've tried many ways of letting him go. Hating him (impossible)... He has nothing bad in him. Unlike Shan.. What on him that can allow me to hate him? He dump me? Was his freedom of choice.. Mr. Randy is right.. I cannot go on like this forever. Suffer is me not him. He happily enjoying there but I'm crying my life out for him. What's the point? Why go through all this?
Dad told me that time will heal. But I don't see how much it has healed me in this 2 months time. Another month and I'll be back. How should I face him? Smile? Fake? I'm not a faker!! Neither do I want to show him any of my emotional anymore. Other than Wai Leng, Elyse & my dad, the other person whomI can show my weakness to is my sayang.
Sayang has been here listening to me ever since the day I know him Don't know him in person but via phone. Talked to him before and he sounds nice. He always makes me feel better. Unlike that 'Mr Smart'. Thank God I'm blessed with such wonderful friends and families who's always supporting me and most importantly grateful is Sly.. Has been calling once a month and talk to me on the phone for at least 30min.
I feel that as time goes, time has proven to me that he isn't mine. It's asking me to let go.. Can I? Should I? Once again, time. How long?
I couldn't sleep at all last night. I've got into bed at 12am but was tossing and turning till 3.30am then only I'm able to fall asleep. Almost got up late for class today. Thank God just skip breakfast and not class.. Haha.. Whole night, the last scene of him keeps appearing in my head. In KLIA.. The promise.. Heart ache.. Tears rolling down my cheek as he dissapeared in front of me. Cannot resist, I cried. Silently, without anyone knowing... Will this be the rest of my life?
Is not I don't want to let go. The thing is I don't know how to let go. I've tried many ways of letting him go. Hating him (impossible)... He has nothing bad in him. Unlike Shan.. What on him that can allow me to hate him? He dump me? Was his freedom of choice.. Mr. Randy is right.. I cannot go on like this forever. Suffer is me not him. He happily enjoying there but I'm crying my life out for him. What's the point? Why go through all this?
Dad told me that time will heal. But I don't see how much it has healed me in this 2 months time. Another month and I'll be back. How should I face him? Smile? Fake? I'm not a faker!! Neither do I want to show him any of my emotional anymore. Other than Wai Leng, Elyse & my dad, the other person whomI can show my weakness to is my sayang.
Sayang has been here listening to me ever since the day I know him Don't know him in person but via phone. Talked to him before and he sounds nice. He always makes me feel better. Unlike that 'Mr Smart'. Thank God I'm blessed with such wonderful friends and families who's always supporting me and most importantly grateful is Sly.. Has been calling once a month and talk to me on the phone for at least 30min.
I feel that as time goes, time has proven to me that he isn't mine. It's asking me to let go.. Can I? Should I? Once again, time. How long?
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Heart broken
Why people so like living in yesterdays and not tomorrows.. Is it whatever we do we have to look back into the past? It doesn't feels good living in the past but not looking ahead..
How come some people know how to advice people but don't know how to do it themselves when the same situation happens? This is call acting ba?
It has been the hardest day for me this few days.. History that has been long pass and gone two months ago is being digged out by 'Mr. Smart'. He know how to ask people to look into the future but he himself looking back into the past. And of all, it has to be 2 months ago case.. What the fuck?? Sorry I didn't mean to start back again. But I haven't been writting anything about him for these past 2 months. Was only that month when he dump me..
Does he know his life there other than financial problem which everyone is facing at the moment, his feeling is normal.. He laughs and jokes as usual.. What about me?? Crying is what I do.. I've been trying my best to leave the past. But you keep appearing into my life. How the hell you expect me to walk away from your life? If you want me to be myself, please release me.. Give me this 2 months time to totally forget of all those messery dreams.. I really need time to get pass through it.. I'm not like you saying let go mean let go that very next second. I'm a girl that has putted all my hopes and dreams into it.. Moreover, I'm nt as cold blooded as you..
Darkness is what my life can see at the moment.. From the day you dump me, I've been living in darkness... In hell.. Till I came to know this one person.. At least he brought a bit of the light to light up my life.. But, you're like a wind that comes and blew it out again.. My heart is not steel.. It can be broken easily and it's not as cold as steel.. Please leave me alone.. Stop playing with my psychology.. It's killing me..
How come some people know how to advice people but don't know how to do it themselves when the same situation happens? This is call acting ba?
It has been the hardest day for me this few days.. History that has been long pass and gone two months ago is being digged out by 'Mr. Smart'. He know how to ask people to look into the future but he himself looking back into the past. And of all, it has to be 2 months ago case.. What the fuck?? Sorry I didn't mean to start back again. But I haven't been writting anything about him for these past 2 months. Was only that month when he dump me..
Does he know his life there other than financial problem which everyone is facing at the moment, his feeling is normal.. He laughs and jokes as usual.. What about me?? Crying is what I do.. I've been trying my best to leave the past. But you keep appearing into my life. How the hell you expect me to walk away from your life? If you want me to be myself, please release me.. Give me this 2 months time to totally forget of all those messery dreams.. I really need time to get pass through it.. I'm not like you saying let go mean let go that very next second. I'm a girl that has putted all my hopes and dreams into it.. Moreover, I'm nt as cold blooded as you..
Darkness is what my life can see at the moment.. From the day you dump me, I've been living in darkness... In hell.. Till I came to know this one person.. At least he brought a bit of the light to light up my life.. But, you're like a wind that comes and blew it out again.. My heart is not steel.. It can be broken easily and it's not as cold as steel.. Please leave me alone.. Stop playing with my psychology.. It's killing me..
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Bad mood cuz of her...
Fucking pissed off!!! Dat anjing betina dam bloody pissed me off today.. I'm waiting for tomolo to end and that's it... Finito vif her... Don ever ever ask me to work vif her.. Bloody hell.. Ask us to rush our part out but she didnt even get hers done out at all.. Some more nozing into our part.. Do I not know how to write? Do I not know how to do anything? If that's so, she shouldn't have join our group in the very beginning. Everything has to go through her bf.. Why don't ask her bf to just replace the both of us for the debate?
She sends me her bf copy and ask me to edit a bit.. I edited the so called a bit that she say and she say i didn't change anything. She wanna change or does she wanna edit? Very big difference between changing and editing le.. Pukima!!!
Really in my life first time seeing this kinda person.. I know I'll be seeing even more when I come out to work.. But this is really untolerable lo.. I've almost reach the boiling point just now. I haven't been looking at her when I talk.. The way she ask help from people is like it's a must to do as she orders. Not even a please and thank you.. No manners.. Don't know how her parents brought her up.. Living here for 3 years and this is what she learnt out from the hospitality industry? What a shame... It's an insult to this line.. Oh God.. Praying hard for the debate to end and for Christmas to come..
She sends me her bf copy and ask me to edit a bit.. I edited the so called a bit that she say and she say i didn't change anything. She wanna change or does she wanna edit? Very big difference between changing and editing le.. Pukima!!!
Really in my life first time seeing this kinda person.. I know I'll be seeing even more when I come out to work.. But this is really untolerable lo.. I've almost reach the boiling point just now. I haven't been looking at her when I talk.. The way she ask help from people is like it's a must to do as she orders. Not even a please and thank you.. No manners.. Don't know how her parents brought her up.. Living here for 3 years and this is what she learnt out from the hospitality industry? What a shame... It's an insult to this line.. Oh God.. Praying hard for the debate to end and for Christmas to come..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
